So it turns out that a Spa Day is way out of my comfort zone.… I was generously gifted a 3 hour spa experience which included a full body massage, a facial, and a manicure and pedicure. To many it seems this is heaven… turns out for me, it was quite anxiety inducing! My first issue was finding the time.. it took me 9 months to book myself in, followed by a week of worrying about what to expect. I’m just not the pampering type. It all feels a bit indulgent and that’s not me.
Last night I spent considerable time googling what to expect, what to wear, panicking about having to tell them I didn’t want the pedicure part - I hate my feet being touched (and can’t think of a worse thing for someone to have to do!) but being polite me, not wanting to make a fuss, and wondering if I should just suck it up. Then there’s the massage part, I always feel I have to warn people about my back, let’s face it it’s not the average spine, and as for the facial - never had one, don’t have a ‘skincare routine’ other than my daily anti-wrinkle SPF and am currently aware that my aging skin is exactly that!
Lil ol me who normally feels quite comfortable with and in my body all of a sudden felt filled with embarrassment at putting it on the table so to speak. I’ve noticed an increase in cellulite recently - thighs, butt and even my tummy taking on the dimpled look. The thought of having someone see it all made me uncomfortable - would they judge me? What would they think of my body? What would they think of my wonky spine, would it freak them out? Would they judge my skin which clearly isn’t cared for as it should be? Crikey even my hands and nails? they take a beating on the daily, I have callouses from lifting, my nails are far from pretty and although I’m forever being gifted hand cream I haven’t used it once!
The whole pampering thing just isn’t me.
Anyway, here I am post spa experience, admiring my new nails, enjoying the fresh feeling of my skin and the feeling in my muscles, she did a great job. I didn’t know I had so much tension in my shoulders, I currently feel like they are on holiday away from my ears and I feel good. But while on on the table all these thoughts and feelings were running around my head, so much so that here I am writing a blog. I was supposed to be relaxing but my brain was working overtime with all these stupid thoughts, and the thing is, what does it matter what she thinks of me, my skin, my spine, my dimply thighs? that’s my insecurity. I don’t know her, she’s doing a job, I’ll never see her again and her opinion shouldn’t matter to me. Why was I feeling embarrassed by my body? the body that yesterday I felt so proud of as it worked hard, lifted heavy and felt amazing! It made me wonder if my clients ever feel that way when they come to me? Do they fear I’m judging them or their bodies? Because rest assured I’m not, I’m always so pleased that they are doing something for themselves, that this form of self care and future proofing themselves has become a priority, perhaps that’s what my spa lady was thinking too?
If you’ve made it this far, well done, you deserve a spa day!
Health + Happiness
Jen